May 2012
2 posts
13 tags
i'll always love flying; i'll forever hate...
it’s the difference between leaving and being left that leaves me aching in the end, and even the act of coming is bittersweet with the knowledge of what succeeds. with each joyful reunion comes the promise of tears in a terminal.
for the first time in 8 months, i found myself at a place where everything begins and ends. it felt a bit like shock therapy standing there, exposing myself again...
6 tags
when i should have known better.
i was more like a dictionary and less like a diary. i was less like a poem and more like a prayer. organized and honest and forgiving. simple explanations and deep meaning. charismatic and piousness. half-hearted promises and feigning hopefulness. i spent more time saying what i meant. and not enough meaning what i said. you were less like a dictionary and more like a diary. you were more like...
April 2012
9 posts
I just passed the exit to Tybee.
I can never take that back, even when I want to.
8 tags
3 tags
They say you’re not a somebody until somebody else loves you.
Well I am waiting to make somebody a somebody soon.
5 tags
10 tags
I just left a group of people that sure felt a lot...
It took 3 months away for me to figure out how loved I was. But somewhere between a broken phone and a group hug, I found my place.
3 weeks.
10 tags
“It’s like, it doesn’t honor God to pretend like everything is OK. That’s the...”
–
John Mark McMillan . . it doesn’t honor God to pretend like everything is okay. Sometimes I feel like that is my biggest mistake as a Christian.
9 tags
what i wanted to share:
you were less like a dictionary and more like a diary. you were more like a poem and less like a prayer.
doodles and secrets and inspiration. tiny lines and big scribbles. post-modernism and symbolism. grandiose claims and romantic gestures.
i would have been okay with it all too. i wanted to breathe you in and never have direction again.
13 tags
AN UPDATE:
I talk a lot about the importance of...
March 2012
15 posts
9 tags
"Goodbye."
Do you remember the last time we saw each other? You held my hand and pulled me in. Wrapping your arms around me. Embracing me. Engulfing me. Allowing us that one last moment of solidarity.
I recall breathing you in long and hard, and thinking about how I may never get to smell your scent again. Because I understood, even then, that it was our possibility. Between my tears and heart breaks I...
thank you for loving me when i didn't know how to...
today somebody told me they loved me and that they would always love me and that there was nothing i could do to escape their love. and i cried because i had forgotten what it felt like to be loved. tonight my heart is heavy with my selfishness, and light with the forgiveness that has been offered to me.
2 tags
advice of the day:
sometimes when someone says they don’t know or don’t understand something, they really don’t know or understand. sometimes people do and say things and sometimes things just happen; they don’t need a reason for saying or doing or happening. maybe i just need to be okay with not knowing and not understanding.
rainbows remind me of you.
I would be lying, though, if I didn’t say that most things on most days remind me of you. It just so happened that today my reminder came in the form of a multi-colored arc stretching across the sky.
I was driving over a bridge, heading back from work, when I first noticed it off in the distance. For a moment it was my secret alone, this perfect collision of science turned beauty and...
4 tags
Gregory Alan Isakov | All There Is
How the...
Jason Russell is my friend.
I believe in a few, important things. I believe deep down we are all broken people. I believe deep down we are each hoping to be met with love and acceptance. I believe we have the power in us to be mistake-makers and world-changers. I believe that those two things are self-exclusive but co-existent. I believe in grace and love and forgiveness, and I aspire to live each day giving those freely. I...
18 tags
an anchor and a rock.
for a long time i thought you were an anchor. heavy and unyielding. awkward and bulky. you took everything i thought and felt, and sunk it into this infinite abyss. going down. and down and down. d o w n .
but i don’t have the energy it takes to be upset or angry or mad at you and our unchangeable past and present. so instead i’ll just continue to deal with this grief. day by day....
6 tags
Our Handholding Is Perfect.
I have had three real, important, romantic relationships in my life.
The first was the boy who showed me I was capable of loving. On our first date we bought fancy bottles of water and ate chips and salsa. We hung out every day straight for a month after that. He waited a week to hold my hand, and it was the longest week of my life. It would then be another two weeks before he’d build up...
Dear Everyone Who Supports or Dislikes a...
This.
misschloe:
Please, please before you comment on a nonprofit whether in favor of, or against, know the definition of nonprofit.
Entrepreneur.com gives a great one in layman’s terms:
A business organization that serves some public purpose and therefore enjoys special treatment under the law. Nonprofit corporations, contrary to their name, can make a profit but can’t be designed primarily...
I miss you.
There. I said it.
I will never tell you that I miss you though; mainly for my sanity, but also because I know you’ll do that thing where you get all nervous and we’ll be awkward and silent for a while and then you’ll try your poor, pathetic best at being assertive (it’s almost endearing, really) and things will go back to how they were when I didn’t miss you and we...
“Because you call me perfect and I call You blind,
Cause the picture and the...”
– Sinai Vessel, The Submariner
February 2012
26 posts
3 tags
he used to dream of being a pilot,
but he doesn’t dream anymore. instead he spends his time talking in his sleep.
5 tags
DEAR SUGAR, The Rumpus Advice Column #39, The Baby... →
This is how I feel today. The question. The answer. Everything.
What am I doing with my life?
1 tag
A New Policy Against Self-Harm Blogs
My heart is so incredibly happy with this news. Please take the time to email Tumblr about these new changes and share with them your support. This is so amazing. I can’t get over it.
staff:
One of the great things about Tumblr is that people use it for just about every conceivable kind of expression. People being people, though, that means that Tumblr sometimes gets used for things that...
11 tags
day 43: From dust I was made and to dust I will...
I love Ash Wednesday. I love the beginning of Lent. and I love what the Lenten season means.
It’s not often that I get the opportunity to attend an Ash Wednesday service, but when I do it’s something that always proves to be a deeply humbling and important experience for me. It’s a time to reflect on our lives and who we’re becoming.
The first time I really began...
1 tag
"You look dead sexy with a mustache."
It’s been a really long time since i’ve begun from the beginning, starting a story from scratch. For the first time I seem to have an anxiety about this. This conception of life in a part of me that I was sure had long been dead. And it’s funny, because I always say that the first two months are my favorite part—when all the unknown and the unexpected can occur every day....
I saved a life today.
today. on may 9th, 2008. at approximately 1:30 pm. i was driving back from Fletcher. when……. i almost hit a turtle in the middle of the road. luckily, i swerved and didn’t hit it. now, i always feel a little bad for turtles. especially when they have to cross the road. because they are just so slow. so i did what any normal (or completely unnormal) person would/should do: i turned...
7 tags
revisiting the past.
if i had a hairy heart would you still love me? and if it were to be green, could you still love me? what if i had a zebra’s tail, should you love me then? and if it is a monkey’s, will you still love me? the reason i ask, you see, is simply because you mean this much to me. and just in case one day i may crack i’d want to know this one sole fact: can i let you mean this much...
moments.
They say there is always this moment when you just know.
I remember the bridge at night, too spontaneous for just friends. I remember understanding and being understood for the first time in what felt like years. I remember sitting on top of that mountain with the pipe in my hands and the words in my heart fighting to get out. I remember hiking back down after the sun set and you reaching out to...
2 tags
canon, n.:
I am skeptical of your love for Salinger; the world will disappoint you, because you want it to disappoint you.
4 tags
Jaymay | Rock Scissors Paper (RSP)
So I have...
Words Worth Saying
I’ve seem to run out of words lately, and I’m ashamed of it. The truth is, I have something I need to say and I know until I force myself to write down and write it all out I won’t be able to say much of anything else. So, I’m really sorry to my followers who look forward to my ramblings. I’m hoping this weekend I’ll force myself to write a really long and...
1 tag
“WE ARE NOT allowed this. We are allowed to be deeply into basketball, or...”
– The incredible Cheryl Strayed (no, really, read Torch, right now, go get it and then leave work and go home) is Dear Sugar (via flavorpill)
Honestly always need to hear these words. There is no schedule for grief and sadness. Healing is a journey and a process. We figure things out and then we...
But i don’t think it works that way. Bono says his songs come from a God-shaped hole inside of him. He’s my favorite singer and he has a lot of things. He has great stories and a wife and kids and plenty of money. But in spite of all of those things, he says he still has this hole and he says that it’s the reason that he sings. i’ve been thinking lately that maybe...
Tonight as I was leaving the grocery story, I walked past a guy on his way in. We held the appropriate 1-3 seconds of awkward eye contact, exchanged slight smiles, and passed each other. After waiting the allotted 8 seconds I turned around to see him doing the double take, smiling at me once again. After flashing him a polite smile, I quickly turned around, got in my car and left him behind. If...
3 tags
The other thing I worked out was that Chas could have told me anything—that he loved me, he hated me, he’d been possessed by aliens and the Chas I knew was now on a different planet—and it wouldn’t have made any difference. I was still owed an explanation, I thought, but so what? What good was it going to do me? It wouldn’t have made me any happier. It was like...
4 tags
and do I leave for California when my love is here behind in Tennessee? from the night times and the mornings, I am aching for the better part of me.
i’ve a thousand miles behind me, and a thousand more that I have yet to go.
7 tags
WatchI’m obsessed with this video. Vampires and Buildings and Where The Wild Things Are. Take the minute and thirty-eight seconds to watch—you won’t be disappointed.
7 tags
“That what I need to survive is not … fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I...”
– Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay
9 tags
Dream #3: "It's him."
It had been exactly 3 days, 7 hours, 26 minutes, and 4 seconds since the last time we spoke. Since I pressed the send button on the text that was my definitive goodbye—asking you to respect my privacy and my need to heal. Telling you that I loved you and that I would always love you, but I couldn’t keep having my heart broken again and again. It wasn’t about what I wanted, but...
7 tags
James Vincent McMorrow - And If My Heart Should...
with my heart in my mouth.
I’m scared of all of the words I want to say. They find their way into my chest and swell up until I’m just sure that I’ll explode. They demand to be released and spoken but I can’t because of my fear, so they just keep weighing me down. It’s like that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you’ve smoked one cigarette too many, and all of a sudden you...