Savannah Jaye

Sometimes the lessons that I learn won’t be in the office. Sometimes it comes from being in a new place with new people, out of my comfort zone. Sometimes I’ll be on my phone and have my epiphany for the day. Sometimes it may be in my quiet, alone time. Somedays it may not come at all.

Today was a weird day. It was a good day, just weird. I had a feeling that I couldn’t shake, as if there was something I was forgetting and it was messing with how I felt about every other little thing. And then when I got home from work, I was on the phone with my mom talking about this and this and this, and suddenly I realized that none of it was about the ‘this’s but it was about that. That same thing that I had been keeping to myself for the past month. That thing that kept me up at night, but also longing to stay in bed all day. So, I was telling my mom about this life I’m living, about this internship I’m working, about how I’ve grown to love sending these messages to these people and reminding them of their strength, their beauty, their importance, and their worth. 

And in the midst of all that was when I remembered the that—that feeling that had been gnawing away at me for months.

I had forgotten that I was worth something too.

I had forgotten that it isn’t my responsibility to convince someone that a friendship is worth it. I had forgotten that I can’t make someone fight for something that they don’t want to fight for. I had forgotten that I shouldn’t have to take that personally. Yes, it still hurts me because I thought something was deeply important and valuable and hopeful, and then it turned out that person at the other side of that friendship didn’t see the same worth in it. I don’t honestly know if that makes what I feel/felt any less lovely and beautiful, but I do know that it does not lessen the value of my being, of my strength, the love I have to offer, or the love that I am so capable of receiving.